ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
