After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
