I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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