so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
