been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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