So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
