I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
