I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
