im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
