For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize