like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
