he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
