Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
