you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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