You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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