She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
