Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
