just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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