He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
