i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
