When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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