but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
