guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
