She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
