The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
