but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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