So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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