i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
