She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
