I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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