$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
