apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
