I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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