so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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