my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
