Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
