He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
