his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
