if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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