She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
