Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
