you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
