So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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