Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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