Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
