The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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