Apparently you make a good broom.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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