dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize