I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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