Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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