If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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