Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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