My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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