Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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