So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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