her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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