i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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