I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
