Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
