Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You pole danced in your parka.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
