google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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