I'm drive I can fine osifer
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
