His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
