My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When are your genitals available?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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