You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
