Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
