You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
