tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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