that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
